Fighting cancer is like doing 25 rounds with Wladimir Klitschko or Dr Steelhammer as he’s affectionately nicknamed. Let’s look at the stats.
Height: 1.98 m
Weight: 110 kg
Wins by knock out: 51
Height: 1.77 m
Weight: 73.5 kg
Wins: 1 (no nodes involved)
Wins by knockout: 0
Hmmm. Looks like it’ll be a tough fight.
So in spite of all the unpleasant side effects, I must have FEC-TH (chemo and monoclonal antibody therapy) to even up the odds.
The three weeks since FEC1 have passed by pretty quickly. I went into hibernation through the first week, was an extra from ‘Shaun of the Dead’ in week two and found the fountain of youth this week so have been almost normal. (I wasn’t completely normal to begin with so almost normal is good enough for me.) I am, of course, completely paranoid about contracting any form of germs and have become obsessive-compulsive about hygiene. Shares in Reckitt Benckiser will skyrocket over the next 12 months. Other than that everything seems OK.
And now I have to get ready for round two, my Dr Steelhammer defense system, FEC2.
I feel both less and more apprehensive about this one. Less because I know what to expect; severe nausea, headaches, mouth ulcers, phlebitis, fatigue, looking like the corpse bride for a couple of weeks. More because I know some of the side effects are cumulative, I don’t enjoy looking like the corpse bride and I’m a just whisker away from being Schrödinger’s cat. Here’s a quick explanation: Schrödinger’s cat illustrates the conflict between what quantum theory says about the nature and behavior of matter at a microscopic level and what we observe to be true about the nature and behavior of matter at a macroscopic level. At a macroscopic level I walk, talk and watch TV thus I am alive. At a microscopic level FEC2 will kill all my fast-growing cells (hence side-effects) thus I am both alive and dead at the same time. The joys of the observers paradox!
I fear if I have to watch too much more daytime TV I may end up dead at both the microscopic and macroscopic levels.
So let’s hope it’s sunny next week in which case I’ll sit in the garden with my own cats, none of whom are related to Schrödinger, and remain unquestionably alive. In spite of Wladimir or quantum theory!