Could we just…..

Sit listening to some music, go for a drive, cook dinner?
See a movie, walk in the park, feed the birds?
Curl up on the sofa, watch football, play chess?
Visit friends, stay with family, plan New Year?
Toast muffins, carve pumpkins, make toffee apples?
Go swimming, run the bridle-tracks, cycle the hills?
Enjoy the garden, plant next year’s seeds, cuddle the cats?
Get some fireworks, have a bonfire, bake potatoes?                                                                      Go to the pub, eat pie, drink beer?
Play scrabble, monopoly, charades?
Take a break, follow the coast path, smell the sea?

Could we just get through this tough time, get our lives back on track and have fun again?

I hope so.  I hope we get to do all these unremarkable, straightforward, everyday things.   I hope we manage a few special one-offs too. Northern Lights, China, New Zealand maybe.

I’m trying very hard so all this can happen. So I can be a good  Mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunty, friend.  Not just today or tomorrow but for the long-term. That’s why I’m doing this. It’s true it frustrates me to hell –  the drugs, the nausea, the dulled vitality, the isolation. But it’s all worth it, even the hard times still to come, because I’m not really asking a lot. Just the chance to be with people I love enjoying the simple everyday things that mean so much. I’m doing this so next year, and the next and all those beyond will be a lot more fun for us all.

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2 thoughts on “Could we just…..

  1. Love your site! Great information spoken with understanding, courage, hope and a little bit of fear!
    I understand it all and have been thoroughly touched by your words!
    I just shaved my head tonight. Day 18 of first FEC-D x6. Couldn’t stand the scalp irritation a moment longer and was resigned it had to go, so it did! I did draw some strength from the situation by shaving myself, despite many offers of help!
    Monday is treatment two. While it brings me one step closer to being done, I am terribly afraid it wil go as poorly as last time. Nausea was well controlled, but the 16mg Dex a day on 2,3 and 4 almost put me into the psych ward! I can’t do that again and hope we come up with a better plan!
    I am a nurse, a control freak and a worrier so this is testing all my limits. It feels wrong to present my healthy feeling body to have toxins poured in to it. I am struggling with the amount of drugs that get places into my system…and yet a nice glass of wine is out of the question! I just pray it is all worth it, I think a crystal ball with a rosy future ahead would be a helpful aid!
    I am 39 and was diagnosed with triple neg (after being told it was est pos and no chemo was needed!). Lymph nodes were clear, so just praying and hoping we nip this nasty in the butt and carry on a long and fruitful future!
    Thanks for sharing your story!


    • Hi Nancy, firstly I’m sorry you’re going through this too. If I had one wish its that no-one else had to… I keep on wishing. Good luck with treatment 2, although it might seem like a long haul the time does pass and before you know it you’ll be done and your body will be returning to its pre-chemo self. Dex is, in my opinion, as difficult as chemo but when my chemo nurse explained it to me I realised why they give it to us. Without it our bodies just can’t cope with the punch that chemo packs. Like you I’ve been alarmed at the volume of drugs going into my system when I’d avoided them until cancer reared its ugly head. I also gave up wine but after doing a lot of research have found that the odd glass post treatment has no impact on whether or not the cancer returns, offers some degree of protection from heart disease (something epirubicin (and herceptin in my case) can contribute to) and for me an occasional glass is also a great stress reliever so I’m not going to be tough on myself for enjoying it now and again. My final herceptin is next week and although I’ll always be suspicious of my body and whats going on inside, I’m feeling more like my usual self and better than I felt before I knew I had cancer. I hope you get the same sense of wellness and freedom once the FEC-D is done. I send you strength, friendship and heartfelt wishes for a very rosy future. If there’s anything I can help with as you go through the treatment just ask, we’re in this together.


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