Angels and demons

There’s a monster in my closet and it feeds on all my fears,
Like the monster in my body,  it’s been living there for years.
I thought I’d killed these demons, laid them all to rest,
But the nastiest of the monsters set up home within my chest.

I’m strong and I’m a fighter, but I’d hoped to find some aid,
I learn to prize-fight solo, it’s me on this crusade.
I want to seal my future with much more than nothingness,
A sea joy and laughter so this fight’s not meaningless.

Life is what we make it,                                 whether days or months or years,
I’m here for those who love me,                               I don’t want to bring you tears.
It’s love that keeps me fighting,                               it sees me through the pain.
It’s hope that keeps me smiling,                         stops me going half insane.

To all dear friends and family,
When this time is done and through,
Know that you’re my Chi, my life-force
So much love I hold for you.


3 thoughts on “Angels and demons

  1. Tracy, grief is certainly part of this process. You seem to be a strong and resilient person. Your chemo regimen looks really hard, to say the least. I greatly admire your strength, coherence, and eloquence through this. And this is not to mention the fact that you are a mother. People often tell me to just think about myself right now. How can us moms do that? It’s not so simple.

    But there’s the heart of which you speak. Grief and fear are powerful forces but love is the greatest of all. For myself, I am not mindful of this every moment of every day. That would be an unrealistic self expectation. But I am mindful of it most of the time and I know it is there even when I don’t feel it.

    I hope the same for you and I am sending lots of healing thoughts across the Atlantic. Those of us who live in northern latitudes have a lot of darkness coming our way in the literal sense, which can intensify to spiritual darkness. I suspect that a light box, vitamin D, and lots of looking forward to the long days of summer will help carry me through.


    • A brief thank you to ‘myeyeareuphere’ from Tracy’s dad for your warm and supportive thoughts. If healing thoughts can help, I too send mine across the Atlantic to you and all those who need them.


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