Waxing and waning like the moon

Moon outside the window

Moon outside the window

I’m tired. Drugs, drugs and more drugs take a toll.  I’ll be pleased to see the back of them, to feel  fresh and clean and vibrant again.

When I’m tired, this kind of cancer-treatment tired,  my writing tends to suffer. My life-long friends vocabulary and meaning abandon me, my speech suffers too.  Fortunately none of you can hear me talking, listen to my words jumbling together or catch the sigh on my breath as I stumble over a sentence yet again.

It would be easy to succumb to this kind of tiredness, to let it wrap its arms around me and drag me down into a deep, dark tomb of perpetual nothingness.  I refuse to let that happen because I know my brain is still here and physically there’s nothing wrong with it.  With a little encouragement it  has the ability to function and like it or not, I’m unwilling for it to slouch off into retirement just yet.  In spite of the fatigue I prompt it do something and today’s something is a poem. I hope you will all enjoy it.

The moon looks through my window, a shimmering glassy gaze,

She shines bright, cold and restless and dreams of summer days.

The moon turns back the darkness, a deep black-purple night,

She creeps across the heavens, a passing satellite.

The moon observes Earth’s trials, ancient, mystic, awed,

She casts a beam for lost ones, their spirits often laud.

The moon looks through my window, she sees me here today,

I smile another welcome, she’ll watch me fade away.

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17 thoughts on “Waxing and waning like the moon

  1. Tracy you never cease to amaze me with what you write its very touching ,very feeling i wish i had your abitlty with words ,thinking of you all the time love from Aunty Linda xxxxx

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  2. I love how you pushed through fatigue and cancer-treatment tired to write such a beautiful poem. The fact that you chose the moon is obviously significant since we all wax and wane, but still shine. Thank you for sharing.

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    • Shining today 🙂 Feeling back on form and very soon (well, OK, a few months from now) I’ll be good as new! Now I just have to make sure I balance work with everything else and keep walking the path without any further deviations. I think deviations can be avoided when I see things like your comments on Dianne’s Gecko post… you made me laugh and you know a laugh a day really does keep the Dr at bay 🙂 Big hugs to you Kozo.

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      • Isn’t it great how we get to see our BBFs on our blogs, their blogs, and other bloggers blogs? So much fun and love all over the internet. Glad you are shining. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

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  3. Really lovely poem Tracy. Tiredness is just natures way of saying ‘give me a break, I’m trying my best but I need a bit more rest.’ You have done remarkably well and have pushed yourself through your treatments. Chemo-brain strikes everyone who has had chemo, it just needs a while for your body and brain to recover and get back in sync. This will come very soon I’m sure. In the mean time, treat your body and brain to some deserved rest when you can, and you’ll be back to normal very soon. Love and {{{hugs}}} as always. Silverback xxx

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    • I think I need to find the aliens from Cocoon, though I’m not sure what they’d make of me! Every day is a day in the right direction though so it is just a matter of time. xxx

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  4. i am sending you this poem to make you smile..
    Nothing can stop a beautiful soul

    many memories of happy times
    have indulged my thoughts
    the have carried me away with them
    so far i forgot i am here in the present

    many happy times to come
    have drew from my soul
    a smile only i can feel it’s effect
    so beautiful i wish i could reach within and touch it

    my body is weak but my mind is sound
    i dance to the music of my heart
    i sit still staring into emptiness
    but my mind is traveling places

    nothing can hold me back
    my life stretches endlessly into time
    time and space is just nothing
    the beauty of my soul lingers forever…

    i hope you understand every thought of mine embedded in this little poem.. much love Mrs Tracy. Charles …

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    • Dear Charles, this is a beautiful poem, thank you so much for sending it to me. You made me smile and I believe raising another person’s spirits is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. Thank you, I am truly grateful. Tracy

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  5. I hate fatigue. You will feel better, I just know it. Your body has been through an awful lot. Mine has been through less and I feel crushing fatigue as well. This week I decided to give in. I even took an afternoon nap yesterday and I wasn’t even recovering from surgery! But I needed time to recover from life and recharge a bit so I would be in good shape for Zoe’s school concert in the evening.

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    • It’s a pain isn’t it, especially when you’re used to playing wonder woman (in jeans and T-shirt, not that cheesy outfit). I somehow have you in the running around like wonder woman camp too Elizabeth and I think you’re right, sometimes we just have to give in and take a break. I hope Zoey’s concert was good 🙂

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