A recent comment by Maurice at Duck? Starfish? … but 23 gave me some food for thought as to where I go with FEC-THis. I’ve become attached to this blog over the course of the past year or so, and I am so very grateful for everyone who follows it, comments on it and generally offers friendship and support through the life-threatening events I’ve experienced. I can only describe these things as horror-movie-esque. I haven’t watched the horror genre since I was a teenager; not because I am squeamish but because I quickly realised anything we conspire to place on film can so easily be or become real. (Think cannibalism, terrorism, torture, then stop. They don’t bare thinking about). As you might imagine, being thrown head-first into the middle of a horror story has been quite a challenge hence FEC-THis was forged in the fire-pits of adversity. Running through its core is the emperor of all maladies.
But my life is not a horror movie. No matter how harrowing things have been or might be in future I refuse to have the emperor running through my core. I do not permit it to invade and desecrate all that I enjoy, and I work hard to ensure I’m a physically inhospitable environment for its atrocities. Cancer is just one small, stupid, selfish aspect of my life and it has taken too much already so small, stupid and selfish will be forcibly overthrown and exiled. I know it will take time and effort and I’m prepared for that task. I’m also prepared for fresh pastures.
I cannot abandon FEC-THis. Much good has come of it and to coin a phrase I can’t count my chickens. There’s a long way to go and the emperor is extremely wily. Nothing is guaranteed, but then again nothing ever is. FEC-THis is a fortress, a stronghold to help me stay strong and keep focused. However, The Asymmetry of Matter is a new blog where I’ll post art, photography and musings free of the cancer cloud. Everything that lives there is unhindered by the emperor’s taints and trials. I have to thank my son for contributing to this fork in the road too. My illness was as hard on him as it was on me but he can see beyond it and in doing so actively encouraged me to create another blog for the non-human, non-cat loves of my life – drawing, painting, photography and poetry. The Asymmetry of Matter is a sanctuary for the tranquillity of creative past-times, a symbol of the greater, better, unselfish aspects that make up this bizarre thing called my life.
I will support both blogs. FEC-THis to stay defiant for as long as I need to defy the spectre of cancer – that’s at least another 4 years – and The Asymmetry of Matter as a place to create – quietly, peacefully and light-heartedly. Over time I hope it will bring moments of quiescence and beauty into the lives of others.