Stumbling Blocks and Stepping Stones

“The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how high you raise your foot.”

“The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how high you raise your foot.”

The risk of developing breast cancer before the age of 80 is 21.1% for those with two affected relatives. Assessing my own risk is no case for Sherlock Holmes because at least five generations of women developed and then died from metastatic breast cancer before the age of 50. Wondering ‘why me?’ when I received my own diagnosis in 2012 seemed a little pointless.  A better question was when, not if and had familial breast cancer been better understood fifteen years ago, none of this might have happened. It did and I’ve learned how to accept and deal with it.

Failing to avoid breast cancer is one thing, being thwarted by genetic stumbling blocks and uninspiring statistics is quite another. My consultants say genetic aberration is responsible for the decimation of the female branch of my family tree. On that basis the obvious answer would be BRCA but as science continues to identify, breast cancer is far more complex than BRCA1 and BRCA2. I have neither of those genes.

In time scientists will discover the fault(s) in my genetic code. With luck, skill and more time they might even establish what to do about it. Until then retaining any unnecessary quantity of natural breast tissue seems akin to playing Russian roulette.. with a powerful handgun and live rounds in all six chambers. I’m not much of a gambler and I cannot change my genes however I refuse to live in fear of the century-long shadow breast cancer casts across my family. I know the choices are limited but they’re still choices and a key piece of my cancer-defence jigsaw just came into view.

On 11th March Miss M. and I have another date in the operating theatre. The final vestige of my female (physical) self will be exchanged for silicon and pig intestine over the course of around 4 hours. I  very much hope its the last in a long line of surgeries because much as I love Miss M., I have an increasingly strong aversion to hospitals. Genes permitting this will be an uneventful risk-reducing mastectomy followed by immediate reconstruction – no need to mess around with nodes, skin or chest wall.

It would be easy to regard more surgery, the recovery period, the possibility of complications and/or unwelcome discoveries as new major stumbling blocks obscuring my route to sustained wellness. I prefer to see it as a well considered life choice in circumstances that might otherwise favour cancer, not me. Deciding to have more surgery isn’t easy, it brings back memories that I hope in time to forget but right now, this is an important stepping stone.

Once the operation is over I move from living with an unacceptably high risk of developing another new breast cancer to living in the knowledge that I’ll have done everything possible to contain that risk. In doing so I improve my chances of staying cancer free. Even the tiniest of improvements is better than none at all.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Stumbling Blocks and Stepping Stones

  1. Even though the numbers may only suggest a tiny change in the probabilities I believe there is an associated measurable change in the probabilities that comes from an indirect effect. The knowledge that you have done what you can puts you onto a certain plane where maybe zen is the thing. In that space you have a marked reduction in various associated stresses; things that in turn will only do you damage. So there it is tiny in the direct form but, who knows, maybe somewhat larger when you factor in the indirect effects. At any rate it’s the right path.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s