Small miracles are miracle enough

One month on from surgery and everything appears perfectly usual from the outside. In clothes it’s impossible to tell that my chest looks like the chest of a plastic doll someone once tried to saw in half. The latest scar remains red and fresh with the added benefit of some stuck-fast super-glue. Aside from that the healing process is going well. Skin knits together incredibly quickly.

I’d never heard the term ‘spitting stitches’ before this surgery so when I discovered a piece of blue synthetic filament protruding through my skin (not dissimilar to a nylon guitar string or thick fishing line) I guessed it had to be a wayward stitch. It was a few inches away from the scar which threw me at first. Then I realised the internal scar is bigger than the external scar and this piece of thread aligns perfectly with the joint between me and my newly introduced ADM pocket. Nothing to panic about.

There are all kinds of suggestions on Google as to what to do with a spitting stitch. Anything from phoning the hospital right away to pulling it out with tweezers or cutting it off as close as possible to the skin with nail scissors. I decided to keep it clean, apply a little antiseptic and leave well alone until my next consultant appointment. When I saw Miss M. she was hugely apologetic, as if it was somehow down to her rather than a failing in my thin and stretched skin.  “I’m sorry, this happens sometimes” she said, “if I can see it I’ll cut it off otherwise it will fall out on its own in time.” In a couple of minutes it was clipped short and disappeared back beneath the flesh where it will eventually dissolve. Miss M is very happy with post-surgery progress and my general level of wellness since our previous meetings. We won’t meet again until our usual annual check-up in September which means this summer will be mine to do with as I wish. The first in several years.

Strange sensations in my chest continue to confuse my brain. The pectoralis muscle starts to twitch and stretch each morning shortly before I wake. It’s completely involuntary and enough to stir me from sleep. There is no pain but its odd. Movement in my arm is almost returned to normal, no heaviness or pulling so long as I take care not to strain – no lifting or carrying heavy objects yet, no twisting, turning or driving. All those things will resume in time.

I don’t enjoy recovering from surgery, it always seems to take so long and much effort is required to rebuild lost strength after taking things ‘easy’ for several weeks.  I am happy for small miracles though – a problem-free surgery, clear histopathology and no signs of infection, implant displacement or rejection of foreign materials. I may look like some parody of a plastic doll, scars and all. I may be physically less able than I was before and my joints may never heal, but I’m well and that small miracle is miracle enough.

Celandine - the light bringer

Celandine – the light bringer

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8 thoughts on “Small miracles are miracle enough

  1. I appreciate your plastic doll parody, sometimes I feel much the same. And yes, we’ll take the small miracles. The photo is stunning by the way. Rest and heal well.

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    • Thanks Nancy. I’ve never been a huge fan of my body but my natural breasts were actually quite nice… before cancer spoiled them. I don’t think the Barbie look suits me and it has knocked my confidence but I’d rather that and health than any of the alternatives.

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  2. Glad to hear that you are healing well. I spit stitches for weeks. It almost got to the point of being comical, going for my weekly visit to the surgeon to remove wayward stitches. But it did go away eventually, and all is well with the implants.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Spitting stitches is the oddest thing isn’t it! It didn’t happen on the other side so it was quite strange to find this side – the “good” side – did. I’m pleased you’re doing well too, its so good to know other ladies who are finding wellness.

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