Cast out the old year, seed something New

I lost a friend to cancer just before Christmas. She wasn’t old, lived healthily and did all the ‘right’ things but her encounter with the emperor of all maladies was shockingly brief. Just 5 months from diagnosis to death, treatment offered no respite. I attended her funeral yesterday and am still stunned. This year brought more than its fair share of rain and though I cannot afford to wish my life away – every day is a gift – I will be glad to see the end of 2015.

Cast out the old year, seed something new

2015 – A year of worry buried deep

A year of struggles, strife and grief

A year of friendship cut so brief

A year of making angels weep

The year will pass and trouble with it

The year will pass, it’s reached its limit

The year will pass, now almost through

The year will pass having taken you

2016 – New Year is edging ever near

New Year will vanquish harsh frontiers

New Year will cast aside old fears

New Year will keep your memory dear

 

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18 thoughts on “Cast out the old year, seed something New

  1. Very sorry for your loss Tracy. I too lost someone to cancer last year. We had been friends for over 30 years, having shared a house at university and met up regularly ever since. Ironically her husband is a scientist specialising in cancer research. It is a cruel, cruel disease. Here’s hoping that 2016 is kinder to us all.

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    • Thank you Jo, it’s been tough. All the time we are reminded that life is so precious. I wish you and your family good health and happiness all year, and safety on your travels dear friend.

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  2. I lost my Dad in March 2015, he had been very poorly for over a year and wanted to die at home, and although this was really hard for us watching we managed it for him, but there was nothing lovely about the experience.

    I missed my mammogram due to spending weeks in hospital looking after Dad and pushing the doctors, he was my priority.

    Three months later I was diagnosed with breast cancer, three in one breast, so mastectomy. I found the lump as I was standing in front of a mirror and said what’s wrong Dad what you telling me, and I crossed my arms and blow me felt a lump.

    Whilst undergoing treatment my youngest dog Tilly became poorly. I begged the vet to make sure that she was ok. They operated saying it was pyrexia, but it wasn’t. Four days later after numerous middle of night visits he said maybe it neurological!

    I lay in my bed and nursed her until the early hours of Sunday morning when she had three very bad fits and died, starring directly into my eyes as I told her how much I loved her.

    Mum wasn’t well but had rallied for Xmas, I am had chemo the Tuesday before Xmas, and everything tastes like cardboard and have suffered badly with my mouth. One more session to go thank the Lord, then radio.

    I like you live now for each day, but glad to see the back of 2015. I hope the Gods look down kindly on you and your loved one’s. A little living and sunshine would be good right now. One good thing that came of all this is Dad somehow was and is watching over me, and he loved Tilly so they are together, so please hold onto if nothing to the memories even if you can’t believe that maybe those that go before us may be looking on. Xx

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    • Dear Vanessa, I’m so sorry you’ve had such an awful time. I’m sure many people would find it hard to believe that so many terrible things could happen in one person’s life in the space of 9 months. Sadly I know from my own experiences that this is all too often the case, 1996 was hell on earth for me and my Dad, 2012/13 not much better. I thought we were turning a corner this year and hey presto everything starts kicking off again. If it wasn’t so tiring/depressing/saddening/draining you could almost make a comedy out of it as it’s almost too ‘out there’ to be anything other than a farce. This is all the stuff no-one ever gets taught at school and we all seem to end up learning by experience, taking plenty of knocks along the way. Sometimes it reaches the point that life itself is the only thing left to hang on to and hang on we must.

      I don’t know if you’re still having chemo and problems with your mouth? If you are then there’s a solution called Gelclair which I found helped a lot. My GP prescribed it because the hospital wasn’t allowed to (too expensive!!). If you can’t get hold of it any other way Amazon sells without prescription though it’s quite expensive. It was much better than the stuff the hospital was allowed to provide.

      I hope you have a much better 2016, you certainly deserve it after everything that happened last year. Your Dad and Tilly will be there, watching out for you, I am sure. When I was diagnosed I asked my Mum to help keep me safe because things looked pretty bad. Three years later and I’m certain she helped me through, and still does today. Sending you strength and endurance to overcome this horrible disease xoxo

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      • Dear Tracy,

        Thank you for your having time to reply. I found your blog when I looked up FEC T and found Fecthis, although I spell mine with a U! Yes it’s weird I think life is a strange one, when things happen it doesn’t seem to do it singly, but likes to throw everything at you to see if you buckle. I also thought when Tilly (who was only 5 years old), became ill, that is was something minor, but then she died, and I started to think I really must not presume anything anymore. You spend your life planning ahead and taking things for granted, and then bang, something happens, and it rocks your world. I did wonder whether to laugh or cry, as like you say it is almost a comedy.

        Yes still having chemo, and someone did offer Gelclair, and like you said they can’t prescribe it in Hospital due to cost, but I think I have one of those mouth’s that want’s to do as it please’s, and resist’s everything, My mouth has always got me into trouble, so guess this time it’s no different! Thank you though for the suggestion.

        I just wanted to thank you, as reading what you had been through has certainly helped me, especially you having been on the same meds. My last chemo is next week, and then radio for three weeks, can’t wait to get the chemo out the way, but then I worry, as again I am “presuming” it’s over and “planning” to get my life back, and feel I just shouldn’t, dare not think that way anymore. So maybe I just hope that I maybe lucky for a little while and taste my food for a bit, without a sore mouth, and my bone’s won’t hurt, and my hair will be back again.

        I am still undecided about the reconstruction part, but think I want to leave it a while, and not rush into anything, I also read your blog about this and the links you sent, so again thank you.

        I hope you also have a good 2016, and somehow it helps to talk to Dad and to Tilly, I do it often, and I can hear their answers I am sure. Your Mum like my Dad would hate to see us hurting so if it’s in their power to give they would crawl over hot stones to help us, and I know Dad showed me the cancer was there, three months after he died, without him I probably would not have noticed, so that was my first bit of luck.

        XXX

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  3. Oh, Dear Tracy, I am so very sorry that your dear friend died and is gone way to soon. The Poem that starts, “2015 – the year of worry buried deep”…, then ends, “New Year will keep your memory dear.” is written so beautifully, it’s words both expressing the anguish of the loss of a precious life, and the sweet promise that that the one who lived it will be a cherished memory. Thank you for sharing it – and I hope it gives you some comfort. Sending waves and waves of healing light to comfort you. Much Love, Karen

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    • Dear Karen, thank you for your kindness and the comfort in your words, you always know the right thing to say. If angels walk on the earth then you’re surely one of them. I hope 2016 offers you a kind and gentle path to follow, no mountains to climb or ravines to traverse. With much love to you dear friend xoxox

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  4. “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Very apt in my life to day and I guess a lot of cancer suffers whether in remission or not, a good resolution for 2016 … though I don’t don’t about dance !! Hope your 2016 is better than 2015 do keep up the blog.

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    • So true and I won’t be dancing either now my joints are wrecked, but in my head I will and whatever gets thrown my way I intend to make the most of 2016. Wishing you a good year ahead too Liz, one that is free from worry and free for you to enjoy.

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  5. Lovely thanks for sharing. Among others my mother, my brother , I lost a best friend several years ago to ovarian cancer and I still miss her, she fought ovarian cancer for several years and was courageous to the end. I saw her the day before she died and she was comforting me… I’ll never forget that or her. It is a cruel disease especially when it takes people who are so young.

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    • It has taken so many of my family, your family and our friends Liz and I wish it would just stop. No-one deserves the suffering it brings.

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